No it’s not December nor is it time to do New Year’s resolutions but lately I’ve been thinking a lot about my 2014. It has been a rollercoaster at best. If you had asked me two months ago how I was doing I would have told you I was considering leaving New York permanently. I think the combination of health stressors and my living situation and then a much needed escape to Europe had left me feeling like I needed new inspiration. Like I needed a change. I was physically and emotionally drained and feeling completely and utterly worn out. It was affecting my drive in my day to day, my attitude with friends and my overall zest for life in New York City.
A lot of how I feel has related to health of recent. Given this year has had a second attempt to remove my thyroid via radioactive iodine, a surgery on my sinuses, ovarian cysts and a 7 week ordeal with a pinched nerve in my left arm- my personal time outside of work was often revolving around doctor appointments, blood tests and picking up prescriptions. My thyroid disease can often leave me feeling so tired making it a real battle to fight the urge to just stay in on a Friday and drink wine. And oh the lack of energy! Sometimes I look back on a week and am not sure how I made it through. How I worked my full time job, did five blog posts (often shooting photos before work 2-3 times x week), took meetings, saw my roommates and friends, (maybe) went to the gym and then there’s that whole dating thing I’m supposed to be doing, too. PHEW! No wonder I’m worn out by the time I make it to the weekends I guess? But hey, this girl isn’t yet 30 so I constantly try and remind myself that there’s a lot of living to be done (and try to remember what’s important.)
Have you ever felt these feelings of being worn out and uninspired? I definitely feel like I’m back to hitting my stride but certainly not every day. I have almost re-removed gluten from my diet (I still slip up on certain days and particularly when I travel), I got into a groove of getting blog posts done on Sundays so I don’t have to stress about them during the week (not always, this is definitely in an ideal situation), I’ve recognized I can get by on more than 7 and a half hours of sleep and realized I need to just give myself a freaking break every now and then.
That being said, I am constantly fighting these thoughts of needing to be better. The blogging space is so competitive and while I feel like I get by doing what I need to do (and some days it is the bare minimum), I always feel as though I’m not doing enough. The constant questions of “why don’t I have more hits a day?” “Why don’t I have more Instagram followers?” “Why did this brand not want to work with me for X campaign?” can be so plaguing. And while I remind myself of the amazing opportunities I have had, I also always am wondering what I would do if I had more time to focus on this little corner of the internet of mine. It is the perfectionist in me that always wants to be better, do better, seek more and relentlessly self-improve. Do you ever feel like this?
A few weeks back I read this article on blogger burnout and it really is real. I have considered quitting WIT & Whimsy all together thinking to myself what I would do with all my free time? Would I be less stressed? But then my mind jumps to “Wouldn’t you be bored?” “Seriously though, what would you do with all that free time?” Wouldn’t I hate missing out? Seriously, in blogging, fear of missing out is real. Would it eat away at me? I have so many questions that plague me on a regular basis. As often as I think about stopping blogging, I think half as often whether I should pursue my site full time. Would it take off as I know it has for other bloggers when they have devoted all their time to blogging and blogging alone? I could take more meetings, I could network more, I could go to mid-day events. I could take classes, I could learn more about SEO, I could shoot photos in the middle of the day instead of at 8am before I go and work a full day. Parts sure do sound appealing. But if I’m being honest, the thought of blogging full time terrifies me. I think I’d miss working on a team and I’d be petrified to not know where my next paycheck was coming from. So here I am, feeling slightly tortured on a regular basis. Wanting to give up. Desperately seeking inspiration.
And if I think about any of the above for too long, what do I feel? E X H A U S T E D. So every few weeks I feel like I experience a burn out that has me seeking bed for a 12 hour stint which I know isn’t sustainable.
So while I certainly haven’t figured anything out, I am feeling a bit more at peace than I did a few months ago and so looking forward to the spirit of gratitude and acceptance and peace that comes with the holiday season.
I’ll be back to regular programming tomorrow but did want to share. As always, thanks so much for stopping by and reading – it sure does mean a lot to me!