the edit: on self-improvement

April 21, 2015

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I typically reserve Tuesdays to talk about beauty as it is a topic I never tire of, but recently I’ve had a lot more on my mind and since it has been a while since a more personal post, here goes…

I’ve been so busy at my full time job lately that it feels like I haven’t had time to eat lunch or go to the bathroom on most days. And when I’m this stressed, I just don’t do my best work. I miss errors I would have normally caught, my creativity feels shot and overall I feel like a shell of myself. It’s the opposite of healthy and while a career in PR has always involved some element of this heart-racing pace, lately I’ve been really struggling to keep my head above water. It’s had me coming home and feeling completely down and out about myself.

My mind starts thinking of all the things I didn’t get to that day. Or something I was supposed to do and it totally slipped my mind. Or I didn’t make as much progress as I wanted. Or oh wait…it’s midnight and I still need to develop/finalize my post for this blog tomorrow. Queue feelings of inadequacy and the sheer desire to just cry and let it all out. THIS is no way to continue going on feeling of course, but it has made me be internally analyzing things I could get better at. Here’s some areas I’ve identified that I need to improve on…

Take breaks. I feel like when I’m at work all I do is run around from meeting to meeting. I keep trying to catch up on email, develop plans, multi-task and can end up spinning and not being nearly as efficient as I could be if I just took 5 minutes to sort out my thoughts, re-asses my to-do list, drink some water and take a few breaths.

Stop worrying so much about being on time: I have the worst anxiety when it comes to being on time. And am seemingly surrounded by people that could care less about being somewhere on time. If I’m running late to an appointment or a meeting, I am just having the worst of freak-outs inside. If I try to be late on purpose knowing all my friends will be, I’m still the first one there. And I get visibly worked up when someone arrives so late. I want to calm down and not feel this way and remind myself that I can’t control everything (particularly other people).

Stop talking down to myself. My room isn’t as clean as it should be. I stress ate 6 oreos and how the hell am I going to work those off? My boobs are too big and I hate them. I’ve gained weight in my face. I made a mistake at work. That post I worked so hard on didn’t get a ton of engagement. I lost followers on Instagram today. I didn’t get as much done as I was supposed to today. THIS is the type of horrible, negative self-talk I do when I am stressed out or sometimes on any ordinary day. How awful is that? Seriously, WHAT THE HELL!? I pick apart all the things I wish were different instead of championing what I DO have going for me. I know everyone struggles from this in some capacity but I have got to do a better job at shutting those voices out of my head. And taking the time to celebrate what’s good in life.

Swear less: When I get worked up I drop cuss words way too much. It’s necessary every once in a while in a heated situation of course, but my god it is so unladylike and I should probably just implement a swear jar at my job to get myself in check.

Be less judgmental. My inside voices can be so mean sometimes. If I’m having a bad day, I can cut people down internally for what they are wearing, how they are acting, whether they are smoking – you name it. Where do I get off passing judgement on others so easily? It’s a horrible habit and I hope I can start being more conscience of it to be able to improve this attitude.

Quiet my inner struggles. I stress about the small stuff way too much. I think it’s why I get anxiety about the aforementioned being on time and also related to talking down to myself but I’ll give some examples. If I get a drop of coffee gets on what I’m wearing, I freak out internally about it all day. I am consistently asking myself why I’m not better at things (why hasn’t my blog grown like I want it to? Why haven’t I figured out the secret to Instagram growth yet?)  More often I just need to remind myself to chill. I am not perfect and that is ok. There are so many more important things to worry about and when I really take a close look at what I have going for myself, my God am I lucky. I need to stop taking things so personally and MOVE ON.

Do you ever experience these types of things? Have helpful advice for those of us those do? I’d love to hear them!

10 comments on “the edit: on self-improvement”

  1. I have the same issues with stress and anxiety and recently started seeing a therapist for it because it seemed to be getting worse with age. When I told her about my struggles with crippling self-doubt and negative self-talk, the first thing she said was, “So you take yourself very seriously.” Hearing that was mind blowing to me because I’ve never identified as that type of person, in fact, I don’t even LIKE those types of people, but she was totally right! I do take myself too seriously and set my expectations for myself way too high. She told me there is absolutely nothing wrong with lowering my expectations and to give myself a break. So I’m definitely trying to work on that now. She also told me to look into mindful meditation, so I recently started reading this book and it’s been very helpful so far:

    Mindfulness: An Eight-Week Plan for Finding Peace in a Frantic World
    http://www.amazon.com/gp/product/B005NJ2T1G/ref=kinw_myk_ro_title

    1. Hi Jes – thank you for sharing this book! I have had someone else recommend mindful meditation to me so I definitely need to look into this. And I love the advice the therapist gave you! It reminds me of being told I take things too personally or I get too emotionally involved – same goes with taking yourself too seriously. It’s an easy trap to fall into! So appreciate you stopping by and sharing your thoughts & advice – it means a lot!

  2. I am the same way about being on time. It’s hard, because it’s so important to me, but when I’m the only one stressing about it…I get even more stressed out and upset. And when I’m meeting someone somewhere that involves food, the hanger is real.

    I think as bloggers, we ALL go through that game in our heads saying, “why isn’t this working as well for me as it is for others” – but at varying stages. The people we think have made it big are most likely having those same feelings about even bigger bloggers. Or maybe they’ve mastered the art of not comparing themselves and that’s their key to success 😉 I hope things turn around for you – sounds like you deserve those breaks!

    1. Jess – so glad I’m not alone! thank you so much for stopping by, weighing in and letting me know I am not crazy about arriving on time 🙂

  3. This helped so much. I’ve been getting stressed so much recently. Dealing with running and my classmates is honestly so frustrating. I feel like some of my friends don’t like me anymore and would rather hang out with each other than me. I know these are small problems in comparison to the problems other people are having, but at this moment in my life, they are big problems for me. So thanks for this post, it really helped to have ways to just have ideas on what to do to improve myself in stressful situations.

    1. Alyssa- I’m so glad you found it helpful – it truly can be a struggle but remember to keep your head up. Never feel the need to impress people who aren’t worth your time and know that you can always make yourself your own priority -we all owe ourselves some TLC here and there and by not beating ourselves up over the small things, we can forge ahead. Never remember to tell yourself all that you are worth!

  4. This post helped me a lot today. Thank you for sharing your experience. These days its so hard to stay positive in a fast paced work environment. It’s nice to know there are others out there having similar struggles. We should start a support group! Lol. But keep powering through! You’ve got this! 🙂

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