The Company We Keep – Thoughts on Friendship

January 22, 2018

Casual Winter Outfit

Happy Monday! How was your weekend? Mine was the perfect balance. I stayed in on Friday and cooked and watched Grace & Frankie. (I also booked my May trip to London!) Saturday I went to the movies and saw Call Me By Your Name and then had a pizza and wine night at my friend Allie’s. Sunday was largely spent working but finished with cooking & watching the SAG Awards. I felt well rested yet productive.

Boyfriend Cardigan I wit & whimsy

I’ve spent a lot of time with various groups of girlfriends this month doing a lot of post-holiday season catching up and there’s been a topic that keeps coming up in conversation: the company we keep.

wit & whimsy I Club Monaco

Some friends have declared 2018 the year they get rid of toxic friendships and others have said how they are being more protective of their time and who they gave it to. I am SO about this. I actually went through this awakening in my late 20s. I decided to stop spending time with people who I felt took, took, took and never gave. Or people that were constantly negative. Or gossiped incessantly. I stopped making myself available to these people because I got no value out of their presence in my life. And, subsequently, their energy was having a negative impact on me.

Cozy & Casual I wit & whimsy

The older I get the more I’ve become aware that surrounding yourself with the right people can do for your psyche. I love the people in my life who are always up for brainstorming, for talking about goals and how to accomplish them. I value those whom are inspiring me by telling me what’s going on in their lives. I value the friends who listen intently and ask thoughtful questions. This is the type of friend I have always tried to be and I deeply respect the people in my life who reciprocate similar behavior.

Our time is so limited that we should be extremely protective of it. I’m so glad I no longer give my time to those who didn’t add value to my life and by doing so it freed up more availability to get together with the friends & acquaintances that really make me feel good, valued, heard, inspired, comfortable & respected.

With that I hope you have a wonderful week + that it’s spent with the type of people that will leave you feeling energized and happy!

. . .

Black Sweater (My favorite winter investment piece!) // Cream Cardigan (under $50) // Coat (on sale) // Boots // Jeans

More Cozy Cardigans ALL UNDER $75:

p.s. additional casual winter looks here, here & here and thoughts on making friends as an adult / when you move to a new city.

[Bekka Palmer Photography]

what I'm wearing

24 comments on “The Company We Keep – Thoughts on Friendship”

  1. I firmly believe that friends fall into three buckets – reason, season, or lifetime. When a friendship in the first two has run its course, I like to reflect on it longingly and exit it with the love I had for it coming in. I find that we mutually ghost out of these friendships, and we’re always happy to see each other should our paths cross again.
    Also, hello cozy cardigans. I would like ALL of you.

    1. I LOVE this thinking, Hitha! It’s so very true based on my experience. And completely agree that sometimes when these friendships fizzle you never know if they may come around again in years later.

  2. I am almost 50 and thinking about your crowd is important! One thing I would suggest in your age group (any age group!)- try to find diversity of THOUGHT as well. It may be maddening at times but having a few friends who think very differently from you will make you appreciate why people are different (everyone has a story) and strengthen your true beliefs as you age. I found in my 30s and 40s a lot of what I thought were my thoughts and ideas were really just what my family had taught me. Finding a good debating partner in a friend is a true gift : ) It allows for exchange of ideas not just constant bashing on one side for sport.

  3. I am right with you on this topic… I feel like I don’t realize how important it is surround myself with the right kind of people (supportive, creative, loving, etc) until I am with those people and leave our time together feeling refreshed and ready to take on anything (rather than just feeling blah like with some friends). Also, on another note – so excited to see your London trip! I’m hoping to go for the first time in the fall, so definitely going to be following your itinerary!

    xx Caroline
    http://www.whenwear.com

    1. It’s SUCH a different feeling when you walk away from the conversations with the positive / uplifting friends vs. the negative nancys! I just tired of how much the negative energy and complaining made me feel. You totally get it, Caroline 🙂 And YAY for London trips! I’ll be sure to report back!

  4. I completely agree with this. I am firmly convinced that one of my best gifts is choosing the best people to be friends with, but I have become more and more thoughtful over the years about not giving too much energy to people who don’t add value to my life, so that I can use my available energy on those who really matter. Some friendships come, some go, some do both! I have been extraordinarily blessed in the past couple of years to reconnect – both online and in person – with some friends from both childhood and college (I’ve been out of college for 25 years, so that’s a ways back for me). Realizing that these women I knew when we were small children, tweens and teens, and young adults have all grown into smart, funny, successful, and all-around remarkable women is a daily revelation. They inspire me all the time to be my best self, while accepting and loving me for exactly who I am, which to me is the perfect friendship recipe. I also want to say that I think this discussion of friendship applies equally well to a work environment. I work in an office setting, but even if you work for yourself as you do, you still have clients. I think it’s so important to surround yourself professionally with people who support your efforts and make going to work a better experience. I often think who you work with can be just as important as the actual work you do.

    1. Marcia – I agree 100% to everything you said! “so that I can use my available energy on those who really matter.” is what I started focusing on in my late 20s and I reaped the benefits of it. And completely true about your work life. At my last job I had become so negative because I was in a toxic environment of unhappy people and it made me feel awful every day! Now I love working with clients who bring positive spirits to my day to day and I always choose clients who mirror my enthusiasim, passion and work ethic. If my instinct says a prospective client doesn’t have those, I shy away.

  5. Loved this outfit and the thoughtful story behind the post. THIS is the kind of content I’m all about! Also agree wholeheartedly with the message, Cheers to cute clothes and fulfilling friendships!

    1. YAY!! Working hard to bring more thoughtful posts back so glad this resonated! I’ll be sharing more this week about the additional changes I’ve thought through for this year!

  6. Your last few posts have been on topics I’ve been thinking about – workout clothes, skin care, and now, being protective of my time and energy. I am more aware now of how I feel after spending time with friends and am much more selective on how I spend my free time. I like reading that this is something you and others have done successfully and that I shouldn’t feel guilty for letting some friendships go.

    1. Glad to hear we’ve been on similar wavelengths and that the posts have been resonating with you! Totally hear you on the guilt factor. It can be a hard emotion to eliminate but in the end it’s so worthwhile to not invest time in those toxic relationships. Good on you for being more selective these days! It can be hard but so worthwhile!

  7. Yes to all of this! Sometimes letting go of people can be hard (I used to think when friendships ended it was a reflection on me in a negative way, but that’s not it at all). A lot of times relationships end so that you can have a better relationship with yourself and at the end of the day, that’s the most important!

    1. It can be so easy to blame yourself or question if you did something! Completely agree about valuing the relationship with yourself in order to be a better friend!

  8. Love this! I think Long distance friendships that’s stand the rest of time are a testament to everything you said above (and not just because ours is one ?). Can’t wait to seeeeeee you next week and give you a big, big squeeze! ?

    1. SO true! I think often about how hard we’ve had to work but that it rarely feels like work! Can’t believe it’s been nearly seven years. So lucky to have you as my bestest. Can’t wait for next week!!

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