This post was very hard for me to write. I thought about it for a couple of weeks now, debating whether to even share this much or not. But here we are because I want to share what’s been on my mind…
I know that if you read blogs often, the “lifestyle” seems like a lot of beautiful days, items provided gratis and all around a life being lived through rose colored glasses.
A lot of my life is pretty amazing. I’ve been given blessings that I don’t count often enough. But there’s also a lot of stuff that I fight with on a daily basis. As I’ve alluded to before in a post or two, I’ve been battling several health issues. I have had chronic headaches since 2001, I need to have surgery in a couple of months to rectify my sinus issues, I was just recently told I have cysts on one of my ovaries and for the last three years I’ve been battling thyroid disease. The latter has significantly affected my every day for the last two years.
I have talked about it briefly here but today I went in to have a procedure re-done to eliminate my thyroid. I was given radioactive iodine last year and sadly I learned in December, the procedure didn’t work. So round two was today and to say there’s been fear and anxiety coursing through my blood would be an understatement.
I was debating in writing this post because sometimes it is simple to perceive that life is easier when you don’t open up about certain things. And on this blog I am positive 99% of the time because that is my general disposition. Life is meant to be lived and I generally try to see the good in people, experiences and all the stellar opportunities I’ve been given. Plus, I always wanted this blog to be a place that had an uplifting attitude, that didn’t take life too seriously and that covered things that made life a little more fun, stylish or sarcastic.
Because of the aforementioned health battles I often get into moods where I feel sorry for myself, feel not good enough, feel as though there are so many things I could do better in life, get upset about the weight I’ve gained due to my underperforming thyroid or get competitive or negative.
…But when I take a step back (and several deep breaths), I can so clearly see all that I have been given. And it’s pretty spectacular. The past few weeks I’ve felt that more than ever because of my support system. I learned in December that sometimes it’s ok to ask for help, for prayers, for support. As a result of today’s procedure I have to be quarantined for three days due to the radioactivity I received. The procedure is scary and lonely. My friend Mindy made me dinner to get me through a night. My college girlfriends have sent me handwritten notes with photos of favorite memories and a sequence of other surprises throughout the last few weeks. My best friend’s mom had her third grade class share drawings and notes of prayers and uplifting words (that had tears streaming down my face). My family has provided unending support. My team at work was understanding and encouraging for me to see this procedure through. Some of my New York girlfriends gave me a care package of pressed juices, a paint by number, mad libs and tea to get me through quarantine. Others sent flowers. Others sent iTunes gift cards. I could go on…and it’s not the things people but provided but the meaningful messages and thoughtfulness behind them that made each so powerful, so uplifting. Each had me thinking “how incredibly lucky am I?” Despite the health struggles and ongoing battles that I face, I have a support system that is absolutely, utterly, 100% priceless.
So this weekend, while sequestered, instead of feeling sorry for myself or getting upset at the various things in life that could be better…I’m going to feel grateful for all the things that are pretty perfect in my life (I love this saying). And while we’re on the topic of emotional, divulging subjects…I’d just like to say “thank you” to all of you who have ever stopped by my little corner of the internet. Your readership, comments, encouragement, support…they all get me by on a daily basis and bring me so many smiles. I’ll be back to regular programming on Monday but for today I thought I’d get real, get honest and I thank you for reading and understanding!