Maybe it’s been all the snow, maybe it’s been the winter blues, maybe it’s been the ongoing pandemic, maybe it’s been the lack of social plans…but I’ve been in a slump.
I started the year slowly and intentionally and then got super busy fast and then things calmed and the days felt so long and gray and then things got overwhelming again and I was having the hardest time focusing. And as I’ve continued to be extra cautious with how I spend my time (read: mostly home alone or outside only for walks for friends or essential errands), the loneliness and lack of social plants is eating away at me. I’m realizing again how much the extrovert part of my ambivert personality misses social plans and being out and about and spontaneous and spending quality, un-anxious time with loved ones.
I’ve felt super unmotivated the last few weeks. (And should note I am battling a bit of a setback in my thyroid disease – working on dosages with my doctor and analyzing several rounds of blood work). And while we knew winter would be hard – it always is even in years where global pandemics aren’t at play – I didn’t expect to feel such seasonal blues. I’m working out and I’m going to bed early and I’m being gentle with myself on days where I just can-not. But it still is hard to have the long, cold days stretch in front of us week after week.
I know I’ll feel better when the weather warms up and the blooms start to peek out. Last year I felt that deeply as the pandemic was just starting. I would go for long walks around my neighborhood and feel Spring coming in my bones and in the wind and it was lovely. I cherished it more than ever. But until then – I’ve been struggling. My sleep is fragmented which makes me feel like I’m dragging by 3pm and then it’s biding time until bed most days. I try to keep busy with virtual plans but it’s hard to find them as exciting these days. (And I remain frustrated by so much of the bad, senselessness and careless behavior I see people sharing on social media these days. The selfishness still has me shaking my head).
My apartment feels lonley and I miss sharing meals with people, having people over and having days spill out in front of me where plans come together unexpectedly and you get home at the end of the day tired from so much walking and so much smiling and you’re just happy and in love with New York.
I like to keep this a positive place so often I don’t share the down days as they happen but just know that if you’ve been feeling this way – you’re not alone. I am very much right there with you.